Incoherence

lizzard_exquise @ 2009-11-16T13:37:00

2009-11-16T18:37:45Z

I can't wait for Christmas, I need a vacation. Blek.
This afternoon I'm going to the art museum to hopefully do some more work on my long senior paper/project thing, and then I have to work on my presentation for it. Which I have to present next monday, but then its thanksgiving, when I will go home and lie in bed for a week. While people feed me pumpkin pie. And maybe if I'm feeling adventurous I'll do some stuff for grad school. Maybe.

However, my only class today was cancelled, oh happy day. And the only work I really have to do this week is work on my project, so I guess things will be ok.

And I just discovered this: http://www.dancesofvice.com/DOVFIII/index.html, which if it would involve me dressing like any of the models in the ads, is what I've been waiting for since I became concious of the concept of a ball. And if this a yearly thing, I want to go. Someday, when I have a job again.

The weather has been unusually nice, especially considering that it snowed in October. Weird.

Return

2009-09-01T23:43:50Z

Written yesterday:
I'm cold, and my walls need posters.

That, and I wish I were in Japan.

I moved in yesterday. One of my roommates moved in a few hours ago, I'm not sure where the other one is yet. She said she'd be here today . . .

Our room is really HUGE. We have a walk in closet that could be used as a bedroom, and our own bathroom which is fairly decent. I guess once all three of us are here it will be less huge, but still. The view is nice too, as nice as a view of Worcester can be, at least.

The reclusive feelings have been high, however. I think I've just been away from the really preppy, 'nice, normal' brand of people for too long, and I've forgotten how to interact with them. They terrify me. My brother has been feeling the same, so we've been sitting around in my room being recluses together, which is admittedly more fun than being a recluse by yourself. Now that my roommates are around (or will be soon), I think I'll be less likely to sit around feeling terrified of the people outside, and maybe actually see the people I was friends with when I last went here.

It feels kind of like freshman year, all over again. Well, ok, not quite that bad. I just feel really out of it, and don't know who's on campus or who to call, because when the inner recluse takes over, these decisions become difficult, so I opt to wait until I either run into people, they call me, or I have a roommate, who will then call them.
I am a ridiculous person.

Anyways.

Today:
Things are better today. My roommates are here, I put up some posters, and last night I saw pretty much everyone I usually saw on the weekends freshman and sophomore year, minus the upperclassmen who have obviously all left. It is slightly weird without them- not that I was friends with any, but I've come to realize that I recognize very few people on campus anymore.

Tomorrow classes start. I bought my books yesterday. Today I went with my roommates to Target, where I bought one of those plastic drawers on wheels. For about $10. Nice.
Tomorrow also happens to be my birthday. Yay, 21 . . . somehow I'm not really excited. Somehow last year's birthday was really good. This year I didn't ask for anything, although my parents are coming up for dinner and to bring up the stuff I forgot to bring when I moved in. I might get a new phone because one of the buttons just fell off mine, and my dad had mentioned it before that happened anyway.

I feel quite sleepy. We have some kind of building/hall meeting at 8:30. After that I should work on a comission that's been interrupted by moving back to school. It seems like it's going pretty well though, I just don't want to forget about it so I'd better just finish it quickly.

I wonder how this year will be. I need to find some grad schools or something to apply to before I forget.

I Have Returned

2009-08-20T18:11:57Z

Today I have been cleaning my room, because it is a disgraceful mess, and all the dust is slowly killing me. I've already vacuumed once, and will probably have to do it a few more times. Yuck. As was expected, my brother had been using it to store things, but I'm somewhat appalled that my mom let guests sleep in here without doing anything to it . . . really, its that bad.

I arrived on Tuesday at about 7 p.m. I left Malaysia on Monday night around 11:30 p.m. A 7 hour flight plus 10 hour layover plus 11 hour flight plus two hour flight makes for an unbelievably painful trip. For some reason my legs started hurting after the first flight, in the bones they way they do when you have a cold or the flu or something. My layover was in Tokyo, so I wandered the airport for a while, bought some food to mail to Riki's mom, and bought myself a pretty nice belt which unfourtunately is too big for it to be useful. I think I can alter though. Possibly. If I can buy the appropriate supplies. Then I sat on the floor by an outlet and played Planescape:Torment for a while, until I accidentally lost my game and was too annoyed to do it over again. Its made by the same company that made Baulder's Gate/BG II, Icewind, Fallout, and some others that I'm forgetting about. I played Baulder's Gate II a lot . . . around 8th grade and highschool I believe. I liked that one a lot. I never played the first Baulder's Gate, but I liked Icewind. Planescape is not as good as BG II, but it was made earlier and has enough detail to make it interesting.

From Tokyo I flew to Chicago, where those jerks made us all get our luggage and go through customs. Finding my luggage proved difficult; I was on the brink of tears, convinced that my suitcases had been lost in Japan, when I finally found them. I then rushed through customs and gave the bags back so they could be checked the rest of the way, and proceeded to find my connecting flight, on the other side of the airport, through security. I managed to not miss that flight. Amazingly enough. I really dislike this system of customs, but I guess it's the only way to do it.

Being home is weird. I've been away for a long time. No one is around because my dad and brother are working, and my mom is on a silent retreat. Today is the last day of my brother's work, at least, so from tomorrow I'll have someone to entertain me.

I made the mistake of not calling Riki in Japan, or right away once I got home, so of course I had a lot of annoyed emails once I finally went to check. He had called my phone a few times, but the battery died so I didn't see that he had called. You'd think I'd learn from past mistakes, but apparently this whole concept of people being worried about me just doesn't register. Sigh. So then I tried calling him but couldn't get through, so after a while I gave up and lay in bed waiting for him to call, which he eventually did. He has since annoyed me by basically saying that I purposefully ignored his calls and had lied about calling him because he didn't get any missed calls. -_- He's alright now anyways.

My grandmother was also spazzing, because my mom never emailed her to tell her I had come home safely, which she usually does, so my grandfather called and I talked to her for a while yesterday. Am I the only person who assumes everything is fine until told otherwise? I don't know, I really should have called them right away, I just forgot. They worry a lot about travelling.

Sigh. I'm really terrible at dealing with other people's emotions. Heck, I'm terrible at dealing with my own emotions. No wonder.

I think I'll take a nap. I slept most of the day yesterday, and woke up this morning around 5. Hooray for jet-lag. Yes, sleep sounds quite good right about now.

lizzard_exquise @ 2009-08-03T10:51:00

2009-08-03T02:16:47Z

I must be really bored if I'm posting two days in a row. My other alternative is to read through my list of blogs, none of which have updates, I'm sure, and anyways I'm bored with them at the moment. I have ended up with a collection of fashion blogs, of all ungodly things, which I think I was drawn to by the nice pictures. But now I've had enough. I only really like blogs if I can read back through a few pages and so waste a reasonable amount of time.

Right now I am waiting for the post office to come and pick up my huge box of books and clothes which will then be mailed by ship to my place of dwelling. After that I am going out with my host mother and possibly her friend, possibly to eat lunch. I also need to buy batteries and mail a letter, which I think I can do at Narita tomorrow anyways. I'd rather do it today though.

Yesterday I started considering finding a way to make prints of some of my artwork, or possibly start making stationery of some kind and opening a shop on etsy. I distracted myself for a good long time with this pretend business venture, which may or may not happen, but I think I'll look into it. Because I'm poor, and somehow I convinced myself that it would work. If I'm organized, and don't slack, and figure out how to advertise.

I also came to the conclusion that I should go back to drawing elves, and Celtic knotwork, and the fantasy-esque stuff I was doing before, because I'm stuck at the moment, and back then I had way more motivation to draw. And I'm getting tired of drawing portraits . . . it's felt like a dead end for a while now, and now that I know that I can copy photos pretty well, I need to find something more creative. So, this year, I'm just going to be a recluse and draw pictures. At least I'll try.

lizzard_exquise @ 2009-08-01T16:30:00

2009-08-01T10:20:20Z

Finals done! 2 days to go. I fly away to Malaysia on Tuesday.
I went to Harajuku today to get some last things. I got t-shirts for my family, two volumes of the manga xxxholic and a copy of Gothic Lolita Bible, because I have some kind of perverse desire to sew things in Japanese. Manga is so much cheaper in Japan. Of course, it's all in Japanese, but I need stuff to practice with once I go home.

I'll miss Japan. x_x I'll miss harajuku. And lots of stuff here.

I should go out tomorrow, but I'm not sure where. Maybe I'll just walk around and see if the nearby temple is open. I think it won't be, because it's sunday, and I think I've never seen the gate open on sundays. Hmm.

I'm pretty much done packing, except for clothing that needs to be washed. And possibly some things my host mother said she wanted to give me- some teacups and some candy to bring to my family/Riki and his mom.

I got distracted from writing this, and now I forget what I was going to say next.
It feels weird to think that I'm leaving a lot of places that I'll probably never see again- although I do intend to come back, and hopefully not after too long. I've left plenty of places behind, never to return, I guess I never thought about it before. Hmm.

I'm starting to get antsy, I'd better go find something constructive to do.

lizzard_exquise @ 2009-07-27T12:07:00

2009-07-27T03:51:08Z

Almost a week until I leave. I started packing already, since I have a box I want to mail home instead of packing it all. I kind of just want to get it over with. I've mostly finished an essay that's due tomorrow, but haven't done much studying for exams. I just want to go home and lie around and not worry about inconveniencing anyone. I'm sort of excited about Malaysia, but I'm still too focused on finishing exams to really have thought about all that. I'm also worried about next year, which I've been worried about for most of this year, because I really don't want to deal with Riki freaking out over little things and being jealous, which I know he will, and which he has been doing the entire year, even when there are no imeadiate threats. In fact, from my viewpoint, there are no threats at all. Sigh. I really shouldn't worry about stuff so far in advance . . . all I really want right now is vacation.

I really want to sew or work on art or do something that doesn't invlove the computer. Unfourtuantely, not having anyone to go anywhere with makes me feel disinclined to go and do anything. And when I do go home, no one will be around. Oh, wait, my mom isn't working. At least I'll have one human to talk to. That and I should meet up with some people.

I have to go to the town hall and deal with logistical stuff before I go, including paying some kind of taxes again, which I don;t understand . . . but whatever, it's not as bad as last time anyways. I was going to do that today but I think I'll do it wednesday instead.

Man, I'm so bored. I shouldn't just update when I'm bored because I have nothing interesting to say. Well, maybe I never have anything interesting to say.

And now iTunes refuses to open. Well fine, be that way. I'll use Media player. Gaaaaah.
Ok, enough of this madness.

lizzard_exquise @ 2009-07-22T10:34:00

2009-07-22T02:18:36Z

Today, I am supposed to be studying. My first final is tomorrow, the rest are next week.

As I wrote that, I realized how little time I have left to get stuff done here, and I'm starting to panic slightly. I'll just go back to ignoring that revelation and pretend everything will be ok. Because it will.

This weekend I discovered some ridiculous hats online. Ridiculous as in, pretending to be victorian, and now I want to make one, and wear it . . . someplace. I could definitely buy a straw hat, fabric, and assorted flowers, ribbons, and feathers, and make something truly disasterous.
Considering that I found quite a few sites selling these ridiculous hats, I'm kind of wondering who wears them. It's terribly sad that no one wears hats anymore.

http://roses-and-teacups.com/victorian-red-hat-accessories.php

http://www.ladydianehats.com/index.html

Since they both have 'kentucky derby' sections, I'll assume that some crazy horse-race loving southern women wear them. Bizarre. That and Victorian enthusiasts. Maybe my grandmother will lend me some of her old hats from the 50's/60's. Or her feathery Octoberfest ones. Hmmmmmmm. Then I can sit in my backyard, drinking tea by myself, wearing a thoroughly ridiculous hat. (Actually, I do have some hats at home. One of them has feathers. Maybe . . . I will wear it more often. Tee hee.)

Ok now I've become completely distracted. I should go study for a while. Bleh.

Book Meme

2009-07-22T01:34:06Z

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen - x
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien - x
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte- x
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling - x
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee - x
6 The Bible -x
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte -x
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell -
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman- x
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens - x

Sub-Total: 9

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott -
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy -
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller -
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare-
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier - (started reading it twice now)
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien - x
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot-

Sub-Total: 1

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell -
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald - x
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens -
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams -x
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky -
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck - x
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll-x
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame (I think I read part of this)

Sub-Total: 4

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy-
32 David Copperfield -
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis- x
34 Emma-Jane Austen-
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen -
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis - x
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini -
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden -
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne

Sub-Total: 2

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell -
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown -
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving -
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins -
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery- x
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy-
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood -
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding - x
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan -

Sub-Total: 2

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel -
52 Dune - Frank Herbert - x
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen - x
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon -
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens -
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley - x
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon -
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez -

Sub-Total: 3

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck -
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov -
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt -
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold -
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas -
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac -
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding -
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie -
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville-

Sub-Total: 0

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens-
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker-x
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett - x
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson -
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno – Dante -
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt -

Sub-Total: 2

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens -x
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker -
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro - (I think I read another of his books though . . .)
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White - x
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom -
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle-x
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton -

Sub-Total:1

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery- x (in French so I only remember bits of it)
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams -
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole -
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas-
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare - x
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl -x
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo -

Sub-Total: 3

Total: 27

lizzard_exquise @ 2009-07-11T11:16:00

2009-07-11T02:56:28Z

On Thursday night, the bug returned. I was sitting at my computer, doing what I always do, when suddenly the EVIL VERMIN crawled up from behind my bed and ran across my blanket. Then it stopped and contemplated life while I leapt up and started making weird noises of disgust. I trapped it beneath a clear plastic box I had and proceeded to freak out more.
I'm usually not such a wimp. Mice are ok. I sneered at the girls on my hall at HC who would flip out everytime they found one. (If it's living in my food, that's a different story.) I don't like spiders, but who does? I like land snails. I like frogs. I don't like ugly evil cockroaches.
I finally ripped the cardboard back off a sketchbook and used it to get the bug off my bed and fling it outside. Good riddance.

Yesterday I found out that one of my highschool teachers died. I don't know how yet, my mom just got a call from the vice principal saying that he had died (my mom works at my highschool). I felt really weird about it yesterday. He wasn't all that old, I guess fifties? When I had him for history sophomore year he had a headlong collision with a car while he was riding his bicycle, and that didn't kill him.
I don't know. I had a conversation with Riki the other day about another teacher, my old art teacher, because he had left a comment on one of my old paintings on facebook, and I'd said that my brother and I should come visit at some point. Riki was peeved about this because he is suffering under the delusion that if I talk to a guy it somehow lessens his importance. They should figure out a way of medicating jealousy. But that aside, he also has this attitude of . . . like oh, this person isn't directly in my life anymore, so I just don't care, and why should I bother to keep contact with them? And whenever I show an inclination to keep some liminal (I may be misusing that word) contact with people like that, it annoys him. And that really annoys me. I'm not interested in closing out opportunities. You never know what could happen in the future, who you could meet again, where you might end up. And moreover, if you want to cut people off for no good reason except that they don't serve you any current purpose, fine, but don't expect me to be like that.
It wasn't an argument anyways. But then I started wondering if I should be like that, like oh why bother. It seems depressing to me. If people don't want to keep in contact with me, most people who I never knew all that well, sure ok. I guess I don't care all that much.
I've felt a little glum the past two days, Not awful, just kind of . . . I don't know a little off.
Bleh.

I have to work on a Japanese project this weekend, I'm supposed to make a powerpoint for our presentation. I guess I'll start on that.

Adventures.

2009-07-07T14:02:49Z

Greetings and salutations. I was going to write a post last week sometime but that didn't really happen. Obviously.

Last wednesday I went to Harajuku and bought one of those skirts from Laforet- Atelier Pierrot. It was clearly fated to be, since as I was looking through the shop they were playing Buck-Tick's new CD, which was clearly a sign from God that I should spend excessive amounts of money. Clearly.
Behold:

I took these late at night. They might get bigger if you click on them. Riki didn't think that the shirt matched, but it was the only clean one that worked that I had. And I think it matches. >.> The ruffled/hitched up part of the skirt can be un-gathered, so that it lies flat. There are two pieces in the back that do the same thing. I'm excited about it. I intend to drink tea out of fancy cups while wearing it, preferably with a lot of pastries and my sibling, who will encourage my weird fashion excursions and help me eat said pastries.

Wheeeeee! When I tried it on the store clerk girl gave me a petticoat/thing to try it on with, which makes it absurdly poufy . . . I could easily make one once I go home and buy some tulle and elastic, but wearing it without makes it a little less crazy anyways. That shopping experience was probably the only one in which I wasn't annoyed by a store clerk who kept talking to me. Maybe I was just in a good mood, or maybe Japanese store clerks just seem more polite and less annoying. Or maybe it was because she was dressed in pretty intense lolita, which always makes me happy. Incidentally, today on the train on the way to school I stood next to a REALLY pink lolita-dressed girl. Which was epic. I've never seen so much pink in my life. Actually I saw another girl wearing lolita get on the train too, but she was more subdued. Kind of odd chance, I don't see too many.

Also, it was sunny today. After a month of rain. I like rain, but that was getting old. Really old.

Last week I also got into a several day argument with Riki, for reasons that were mostly my fault. Just when I was at the breaking point, in a kind of weird pathetic fallacy, a giant, black, cockroach-looking bug crawled up my wall and underneath a picture. At that point I gave up and cried. I do not want to live with a giant evil bug. I spent about two days after convinced that it was still living under the picture frame, which kept me from sleeping on both nights (I was afraid it would walk on me). When I finally took it off the wall, prepared to flick it outside, I discovered that it wasn't there, and that what I had thought was its rear end sticking out the bottom was just part of the backing. So no close encounters, but now it could be ANYWHERE. Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

Whatever. I can sleep now, oddly. We finished our argument, all is right with the world. Riki also had the measles, somehow, last week. He had them as a child so that was kind of bizarre. I mean what's the point of having those kinds of diseases in the first place if you can still catch them again later?
I'm also starting to get excited about going to Malaysia. Even if I have no idea what I will do with his mom while he's at work during the week, it will be nice to see Riki in real life again, and to see new places. Even if they are really hot, and I'm sick of airplanes.

I feel sleepy now. I had finished off a bottle of iced coffee and now I'm crashing. Tomorrow I have to go out and do some errands in the general vincinity.
Oh, and today is Tanabata. Which is a holiday that no one really celebrates anymore, but I think you are supposed to write wishes on pieces of paper and tie them to bamboo. Or just make a wish. 7/7 seems like an auspicious day anyways.

lizzard_exquise @ 2009-06-26T21:40:00

2009-06-26T13:25:09Z

iTunes is apparently reading my mind, and has been playing techno-ish music. How nice of you iTunes. It almost makes up for all the times you freeze or only play songs I don't want to hear. Well, maybe that's my fault for not making better playlists.
Music makes me feel happier. I was feeling kind of depressed, because Riki is depressed/mad about work. Which is kind of normal and I'm kind of getting tired of it. Well he was happy yesterday but somehow I screwed it up by being moody and not realizing it. That was my fault, but I'm still not sure what set me off.
But its Friday and Friday is good.

For reasons unclear to me, I took out a book from the library about the wife of Nathaniel Hawthorne. It's somewhat interesting, except I think historians go into too much detail. I don't really care about the scandals of her parents and grandparents.

I wonder if I can find macarons someplace around here. I know where some pastry shops are, but I'd feel awkward walking in and checking to see if they have them, and then leaving if they don't. I've never had one, and I've heard that they aren't as good as they look, but I have pretty low standards as it is. Obviously I could attempt to order them, but that would be silly. Which reminds me that I have to order tea for Riki's mom, in Japanese, only acceptable payment is C.O.D. Have I complained about this before? Bleh. I need to do that tomorrow. Or tonight.

Sigh it's hot.  I've also completely forgotten the appropriate use of its vs. it's, so my apologies to anyone who does remember and thinks I'm dumb. I am.

Speaking of English, Michael Jackson died. (There's a connection, really.) I wonder what Mr. Murray, my crazy high school English teacher, has to say about this. Probably, 'good riddance.'   Mr. Murray amused me as much as he annoyed everyone else, probably because I didn't have strong opinions on stuff he ranted about yet, and also because I didn't take him seriously.   Except when he wanted to pretend deforestation didn't exist because there were still trees outside. That was just silly. Of course, I probably find him more amusing in hindsight, now that I don't have to sit through classes during which I know I will be purposefully asked questions because he knows I don't know the answer. Then again, I couldn't have ever been especially intimidated by him, because that's the only class in which I've put a completely ridiculous answer to a test question I didn't know.

The only other person MJ reminds me of is my highschool art teacher, who for some reason was going on about his nose falling off one day. ("Seriously, his nose fell off. Some dude in Paris was like, 'uh hey, you dropped something there.'")
There was a long segment on T.V. about him, which I watched during dinner. My host mother kept asking why he became white. I told her I didn't know, because I don't. He really looked pretty awful recently. It was nice that they showed clips of his old music videos and stuff, because all I ever knew about him was that he'd lost his mind, ~~his nose~~, and that there's this statue of him. I forget the name of the artist, but I think it's not Jackson Pollock, which is the only bad modern-ish artist who's name I can think of at the moment.   I once had to go to the archives in my college library and study these pretty impressive musuem copies of Jackson Pollock's sketchbooks for the intro art class I took. Some of his sketches were ok. I'm just not into modern art as a rule. I tried. I decided I really don't care. If it amuses me I'll give it a shot. Like Dadaism, which is from the '40's I think, and which I hated at first, but which I have since come to find amusing, even though I still know virtually nothing about it. I think the point of it was creating non-art, as some kind of social or art critique. At any rate, Monty Python reminds me of it.

I spent the week not eating lunch, except for when I remembered that I had a few remaining German gingerbread based things left over from my grandmother from Christmas, which were not stale, oddly enough. This transpired because I had no cash, because- well its a long story, but I finally got some money from the atm, and then bought notebooks and assorted stationery in order to break the huge bill I was stuck with. For lunch I had green tea ice cream and milk tea, which made me feel slightly ill.

Ok now that my computer has decided to freeze on me (which it keeps doing) I'm leaving.

lizzard_exquise @ 2009-06-20T12:34:00

2009-06-20T05:19:24Z

It's warm. I have allergies. I'm sleepy.

Midterms are, however, over. Including the 9 page essay. This is a relief. I also don't know what to do with myself because I suddenly lack work.

I am contemplating going back to Laforet Dept. store in Harajuku and buying an expensive, frilly skirt. Something somewhat like this, which is more of a half dress half skirt, or this, which is more high waisted skirt-like. Because in the two times I've gone to this particular store, they have them, and I want. But $100-200 is kind of expensive. Sigh. Oh well. I always feel bad spending money, even on things not as frivolous as fancy skirts.
I will think about it. I wish my brother didnt keep asking me to buy him stuff, because I have already, but I guess I will look some more. -_-

Part of me has started to realize how much I'll miss Japan when I leave. Part of me also still wants to go home, although I have a feeling that home will be stressful. My brother got suckered into applying for a paid internship/job at my dad's work, because they were looking for college students, so because my parents demanded that he apply, he did. He also got the job, in spite of it being engineering/computer related, when his major is Art History and really confused some of his interviewers. He naturally hates said job, and complains about it frequently. Working in the same place as our dad is awkward, and not something I'd want to do either. My mom has been in the Galapagos this past week or so, but before that she was stressed, and therefore stressed out my brother, who then complains to me. She will probably be stressed again when she comes back, because she is always stressed. So not being at home is pretty ok in some respects.

Somebody is playing a flute nearby, and I think its playing an Edith Piaf song. Random. I've heard it before, but it never occured to me that someone was playing it. There are so many musical vehicles around here that I just sort of ignore external noises. I still don't get why they play Imagine every day at 5:00.

Its so warm today. Near 30 celcius, whatever that is in farenheight. Maybe near 80? The breeze is nice however.

lizzard_exquise @ 2009-06-07T16:08:00

2009-06-07T07:40:04Z

I am currently attempting to devise a topic for a term paper, which really means that I've been alternately staring at a lot of articles on Buddhist sculpture and watching every Suede music video on youtube. And sometimes drawing.
I'm just not getting any inspiration here. I feel like anything I write about will just be reiterating the articles we have to use for it. Gah.

We had no classes friday due to some inter college sports thing Sophia had, so I went to Harajuku and wandered around. I went to the main shrine there (Meiji), which is surrounded by a lot of large, lovely trees. As I was wandering, a wedding procession wandered through, which was pretty cool. Its a pretty popular shrine for weddings but I didn't really expect there to be one on a friday. There were also a ton of Japanese students, for what reason I don't know.
I wandered stores for a while, technically looking for something for my brother, but I didn't find anything. Most of the stores are girl's clothing, and I feel awkward wandering through the guy's stuff. Also, in some stores, its kind of hard to tell the difference.
I did buy some weird fake nails and a paper lantern with bamboo designs on it at the 100 yen store though. Japan has the coolest fake nails on earth, along with the most impractical. If I thought I could manage it, lingustically and practically, I'd get some crazy ones done at a nail salon, but that's unlikely to happen. I'll use the ones I bought for graduation or something.
I then came to the realization that Harajuku is probably the only place on earth where I can walk into one store and hear listen to Japanese rock/Visual Kei, and walk into one a few steps away and hear Belle & Sebastian. Oh Happy Day.

Sigh it's hot today. I suceeded in buying the appropriate tickets, so come August I will being going to Malaysia for about two weeks, and flying back to Boston via a 9hr layover in Narita airport. Oh joy. I'd better find some books to read. Maybe I'll buy a magazine here before I go and attempt to translate it.

Ok back to the paper. Or listening to this for the thousandth time.

Computers and Communist Plots

2009-05-29T13:32:31Z

My power adapter for my laptop has been acting up, i.e. faking its death on an alarmingly regular basis. This, coupled with my battery lasting a max of twenty minutes, means that my computer either gives me a two second warning, or just shuts off, as it did earlier. This made for major stress yesterday, when I had an essay for a midterm to write. Fourtnately it decided to behave, but since then my only cure has been to whack it on the bed and give it nasty looks when the little green light goes out. What's worse is that this appears to work.
So now I'm looking for adapters on ebay, and thinking that if I order the one from Hong Kong it will get here sooner.

This weekend I also need to buy plane tickets. I'd kind of like to have some kind of organized communication with my parents and Riki regarding going to Malaysia- well, Riki is ok, I'd just like to know what my parents want/care regarding how long I stay. Riki will say, staythewholemonthomg, whereas I wonder if my mom might want me back at some point. Then again, maybe not. Sometimes I feel a bit forgotten, on the other side of the world here. Maybe that's normal. For us anyways, the family of low emotional maintenence. Realistically, I can't spend all of August there, since I have to go to school, which may not start until September 1st or 2nd, but I have to move in. Besides, I wonder what I would do during the weekdays, when Riki has work. I feel kind of worried about his mom, just because I feel like it will be awkward . . . she seems ok about me, but I dunno, I'm paranoid.

On a side note, I miss living in a place where I can blast music and sing along obnoxiously. Alas Alack.

Oh right. Where was I. I had the other part of my midterm (the essay one) which was for my anthropology class, and turned out to be easy, I think. I have a Japanese midterm next week and a research paper due the next week, which I really need to get started on. Japanese has been annoying me recently. I have no patience for it at all . . . we have some kind of group project which my group seems to have forgotten about, although we have time so its ok I guess. Ugh. The teachers aren't very good . . . one in particular. She's nice, but the way the class is run we focus on stupid things we've already learnt and barely look at new grammar, which is of course on the test, which I attempt to just fake my way through which seems to be less than effective.

Sigh. I just want to be on vacation guys. Like everyone else -_-

A really. Long. Meme.

2009-05-24T08:50:03Z

Stolen from my brother. This may be several memes connected. There were more questions but I stopped.

Can you do this without deleting any questions? sure, why would I?

Do you smoke weed everyday? haha no. I have better things to do with my life.

What's going on between you and the last person you kissed? umm. we're dating. I guess. Long distance relationship.

What's something you really want right now, be honest? Vacation . . . no homework.

Are you going anywhere for this summer? Home, probably Malaysia.

Do you put ketchup on top of your french fries or on the side? On the side.

Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Yes, in Japanese class.

Has anyone ever given you roses? No . . . well I think my grandparents may have given me a bouquet with roses in it for some of my dnace recitals.

If somebody liked you, would you want them to tell you? yeah, but if it happened now it would cause a lot of problems.

Is anything bothering you? Right now? No. On a fairly frequent basis? yes.

What time in your life would you like to put on repeat forever? ugh no. I've had nice times but I can't do repeat forever.

If the last person that you kissed said they wanted to marry you, what would you say? I know.

Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? no.

Do you regret anything from your past? Not especially. I have some recent regrets, but they will iron out over time.

Who is the last person you physically hit? Why? probably my brother, years ago. He ticked me off, why else would I hit someone?

How many people of the opposite sex have you cried over? One.

Someone phones you at 3:00 AM; who do you expect it to be? umm, riki or someone from home with an emergency.

Do you eat whip cream out of the can? haha no.

If the last person you kissed moved away, would you be sad? They can't possibly move farther away.

Your phone rings, what do you say? umm, before I pick up? When I pick up I say hello.

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? I talk to my brother and riki. I had other male friends, but its not like I talked about the inner depths of my soul to them. Until Riki starting demanding that I communicate things I didn't want to communicate.

Was last night enjoyable for you? No I think I was upset but I forget why. Oh, I got mad at my computer for being slow and at Riki for being tired and wanting to go to bed. But after that it was better.

Is there someone you will never forget? yeah, of course. How many people do you actually forget? You won't forget your parents, or whoever you spent your childhood around all the time.

What if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? no babies.

Do you get distracted easily? no.

Have you ever received a really long apology? hmm I think so.

Can you make brownies without looking at the instructions? No I don't trust my memory of measurements.

Is there someone you wish you were still close with? Not now. In the past I often did. Well I guess I'd like to see my highschool friends more, but I haven't completely lost contact with them or anything.

Honestly, if you could go back one month and change something would you? One month wouldn't help.

Something you do a lot? Check facebook

How old will you be in 12 months? 21

Do you still talk to your exes? I don't have any.

What brings out the worst in you? sexist and assinine comments or modes of thought.

Do you think you are a good person? I am a fabulous person.

Does anyone hate you? I guess not.

Do you have tan lines? I don't tan.

Want someone or something you can't have? yes I suppose so.

Ever kissed someone who smokes? no.

Why do you think people cheat on their bf/gf so much? Do they? MAybe because you're in highschool and are too immature to know you are immature. If you're older, either you're a cheat or you believe the great American ideal that you can do whatever you want.

Have you ever thought about killing someone in detail? Yes. Rapists.

Have you ever given up on someone, but then went back to them? No.

Who did you last shoot a dirty look at? Probably Riki.

Have you ever had a garage sale? haha no.

What color is your iPod? you make the mistake of presuming I own such a device.

What kind of dog do you have? wtf. And now you think I have a dog. How insensitive. We have a furry grey cat and a skittish black cat.

What's for dinner tonight? I don't know.

What is the last drink you drank? water or tea.

Last time you were sick? a week or so ago.

How long is your hair? Long. Mid back or longer.

Are you happy right now? I have to sneeze right now.

What did you say last? probably 'hai' or 'daijoubu'

Who came over last? uhh. No one ever comes to my house, and I haven't lived in a dorm in about a year so . . . I have no idea.

Do you drink beer? no, it smells gross. But Kirin has pretty nice commercials.

Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted? haha no. We look like twins.

What is your favorite key chain on your keys? umm. I only have some dutch shoes from the amsterdam airport.

What is in your pocket? cell phone

Who is the last person you had a phone conversation with? Riki I guess.

What DVD is in your DVD player? I don't have any DVD's here.

What's something fun you did today? Colored a drawing. Listened to this crazy music.

What do you think of when you hear the word "meow"? cats . . .

What are you listening to right now? Trance music

What have you had to drink so far today? tea and water . . .

When is your birthday? sept. 2

What's the area code for your cell phone? I don't know. 617?

Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now? The mall. Macy's maybe/

Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror? not yet.

What are you going to do after this? eat dinner.

What is something you need to go shopping for? nothing at the moment.

Do you like pickles? yes.

How about olives? black ones.

What is your favorite kind of gum? I used to like Big Red a lot.

Do you remember the name of your kindergarten teacher? Miss Susan?

Who was the last person to call you baby? uhhh if anyone did it was Riki.

When you're at the grocery store do you use the self checkout? heck. Yes.

Has anyone ever sang to you? yes

If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive? for a brief while.

What is your favorite color? black red or green.

What color are your eyes? green

How tall are you?5'4

Who was the last person to say they loved you and when? riki yesterday.

Do you like your parents? yes.

Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone? riki

Where is the furthest place you've traveled? India or Japan

Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep? sleep . . . well. Maybe eat. Depends what I'm eating.

Do you look more like your mom or your dad? I guess my dad.

How long does it take you to shower? 15-30 min

Can you do splits? no. I used to be close.

Can you use the grill? sure.

What movie do you want to see? The Nightmare before Christmas and Edward Scissorhands. Because I feel like I should and would like them.

What did you do on New Years Eve 2007? Probably went to some friends of the family's house.

Was your mom a cheerleader? hahaha no.

What is the last letter of your middle name? e.

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? 8 or 9

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? yes

Are you scared of flying? not really.

What do you sleep in? shirt and pj pants.

Do you have any tattoos? no

Have you ever been to Los Angeles? no

What jewlery do you wear all the time? 3 rings and usually a lizard necklace my mom gave me.

What is your favorite song at the moment? I don't know, some Buck-Tick song.

What song do you HATE? hmmmmm. who let the dogs out.

Do you like chocolate? YES

Are you easy to get along with? yes.

Any up coming events you're excited about? going home.

What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling them how you feel, or looking into someone’s eyes when they are telling you how they feel? Looking into someone's eyes, period.

Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way? Riki probably said something that made me livid, and yes, if he said it again, I'd feel the same.

You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago nonstop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them?

You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?

You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust: I hate this game. you can't have lasting love without trust.

You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dog’s life? This would never happen in real life.

You are unfaithful to your spouse/significant other. Do you tell him/her? Why or Why not? this also would never happen. I guess I'd tell him, but then, if I was just going to tell him, why would I cheat in the first place? So I just wouldn't cheat.

Your friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more then just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you do/say?

Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? If I wasn't a guy.

Does love = sex? No.

When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person? I dunno, Riki, it was probably during an argument.

What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a friend, you love them or that you do not love them back? To tell them I love them.

What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose? If I had to get rid of it because someone told me I had to. So I don't like being told what to do.

Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them? Who were they to you?
uhh, never.

Imagine: it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?: Riki

Dolls

2009-05-22T15:43:39Z

Well, Riki got kidnapped by his work, for some dinner-meeting-Godknowswhat, and since I've done everything else I can think of, including putting clothing and laundry away and clearing up my desk, I've decided I feel like writing an entry again.
I could start the readings I have to do so that I can write a term paper over the next few weeks, but clearly that isn't happening. I really and truly intend to start tomorrow. Really.
My latest great internet-search-in-order-to-waste-time project, and potential future Hobby That I Cannot Afford has been these magnificent creatures: Ball Jointed Dolls
I will now ramble aimlessly about them. Read only if you are bored, or, for some reason, care.

They are ridiculously expensive but probably worth it, from an artistic point of view. By ridiculously expensive I mean a naked, hairless, make-up-less doll can be about $450, with limited edition/rare, complety designed dolls going up to $1000. The glory, or what seems to make it worth the price, is the detail, hand-made factor, and that you can basically make them into whatever you want. Which, for someone who had such an obsessive love of dolls as a child (*cough*me*cough*), is pretty epic, in no uncertain terms.
This train of thought, incindentally, led me to consider selling some of my American Girl Dolls, considering I have, well, a lot. Somehow around the age of eight I got it into my head that I wanted to collect them . . . thinking back on it, that was kind of excessive. (on a side note- I checked the website while considering this, and wtf, they added some 70's chick and got rid of the Victorian girl. I am outraged.) I still may sell some, but I feel like I'd only be doing so to encourage this very bad idea of a new hobby, which, considering the loans and stuff I'll have ~~for the rest of my life~~, might not be such a good idea at this present time. This doesn't stop me from staring at other people's photos online, however.

Blogs, etc. with nice photos:
http://seioubocamemo.seesaa.net/ (In japanese, but if you click on the link under each photo it shows more of that doll/set)
http://byouyuuken.web.fc2.com/
http://www.doll-zone.com/showcatalogue.asp?ps=34
http://www.flickr.com/photos/pandapplecute/3133691001/
http://mercyasakurasdreaming.blogspot.com/

Ok, that's enough of that. For now. >.>
I'm tired . . . Riki must have been eaten by aliens to not be back yet. Gah . . . . I'm so glad its Friday.

lizzard_exquise @ 2009-05-21T20:31:00

2009-05-21T12:49:15Z

I am so tired, and I'm not really sure why.

Yesterday I went to Ikebana club, although I forgot my camera so I don't have any photos yet. Next week I will. We arranged Sunflowers, Eucalyptus, and some kind of palm/fern plant. There were only about 10 of us, although I think the girl in charge said there were more who are technically in the club, but usually its only about 10 people. Three of us were new, one other girl is also an exchange student. The class is pretty much all in Japanese, but I can follow fairly well, and the girl who is the head of the club speaks English so if I'm really lost I can ask her. Overall, it seems like it will be fun.
What I had not counted on, was bringing the flowers home. I had wondered what would happen to them, since throwing them out seems a bit wasteful, but I kind of assumed we'd leave them at school. Not so. So I carried them on the train all the way back, wondering what to do with them. I have since stuck the sunflowers in a fanta bottle with water, the others i will just have to cut up and dispose of quietly. Right now they are still wrapped in newspaper, hiding in my closet. The sunflowers look happy at least.

I still have a lingering cough, but otherwise I feel better again. I wish today had been Friday instead of Thursday, I don't like having to wake up early and go to school. Bleh.

lizzard_exquise @ 2009-05-14T17:46:00

2009-05-14T10:24:51Z

Yesterday I was supposed to go to my first Ikebana club meeting, but unfortunately, it was not to be. I was on the train about two stops after my home station when I started getting dizzy and losing vision. I got out at the next stop and promptly lost all vision, and collapsed on the ground. Apparently collapsing means I lose use of legs and arms as well as sight, because all I remember about that was the side of my face scraping the asphalt. Nice. A train station employee asked if I was ok, and whatever I said in Japanese was clearly wrong, because there wasn't much communication happening, but he led me to a bench and left me there. After a bit I bought some water and went back home. My face looks ok, but I have some bruises on my knees. Otherwise I feel alright again.

I'm really starting to worry that this is part of some kind of more serious underlying problem, because there wasn't much that would have triggered it this time. I have had a sore throat for the past few days, and probably a slight fever yesterday, but I wasn't over dressed or in a crowded, hot place. Nor had I lost blood or not eaten anything recently. Ugh. It's really kind of scary to lose control like that, especially when you haven't got anyone you know anywhere nearby. hopefully my mom will call my doctor and bug him like I asked, but there's not much he can do from this distance anyways- or, given how useful doctors have proven in the past, from any distance.

I'm going to eat some more cough drops and maybe do homework.

Vampires

2009-05-11T09:48:15Z

I am thinking that, in spite of myself, when I return to the US of A, I might actually hunt down some Anne Rice books, and read them. I refused to read any previously because I was convinced that they were Fantasy genre trashy romance novels, with vampires. I also kind of have Anne Rice categorized in my head somewhere with the Mists of Avalon, which I WANTED to like so badly, but inevitably, detested. I have no idea why I associate the two.
This stream of thoughts was prompted by watching Interview with the Vampire last night, which amused me enough that I could almost overlook the fact that Brad Pitt was in it. Almost. And vampires really do amuse me, particularly if they are antique and well dressed.

Having said this, under no circumstances will I read Twilight. I refuse. And I mean it this time. I will not watch the movie unless it is inflicted upon me, even if it has that obscure brand of piano that my brother loves because Yoshiki has one, in it.

Until then, I'm going to continue reading the rest of Oscar Wilde's writings, because the library has a whole set, and it took me months to find it.

lizzard_exquise @ 2009-05-09T11:47:00

2009-05-09T03:32:42Z

Last night I watched this pretty weird/creepy moved called 'The Machinist,' made even creepier by the fact that I accidentally watched about a thrid of it in slight slow-mo. This was only fixed when we realized that Riki and I were watching out of sequence, and that he was about 10 minutes ahead of me. The only thing that seemed weird to me were the voices, the movement seemed ok so I thought they were just being artsy. And when I asked if the voices stayed weird the whole movie, Riki just said that that's how Christian Bale's voice was . . .
I'm glad that, for one of those weird psychological movies, it did actually make sense by the end, which is nice. I can't stand when you sit through two hours and all you get is more confused. Although I did like Memento a lot, and that one doesn't have a really definite resolution.
I am slightly sad that everyone is out of school now, or will be in a few days. Its not as bad as I thought, maybe because I am in Japan, and I like it here, and because I've had virtually no contact from anyone from school . . .
I do wish I had a bit more live social interaction. The Ikebana club SHOULD reply by next wednesday, but I'm really getting annoyed that its so hard to get in contact. I need to email the study abroad prof too, but I don't want to until I've joined and can say, ok I'm doing this for that project, now what is the actual assignment and when is it due? Sigh.

Yesterday in my Anthropolgy class we watched a film called 'Paris is Burning,' which was about transvestite, gay, transgendered, etc. mostly black men (etc.) in 1980's New York City. It was really interesting . . . anthropology classes are the only classes, except maybe gender studies, where you can get away with watching that sort of thing. Mostly the film focused on identity and fashion, and sort of ideals and creating fanatsy worlds . . . sort of the idea of not being able to fit into real society, or attain wealth, status, and such, so creating places where one can pretend.
And getting to watch movies instead of taking notes is always welcomed.

lizzard_exquise @ 2009-05-05T16:41:00

2009-05-05T08:10:53Z

Today it is quite pleasant and rainy. Yesterday I was abandoned here without an internet connection, which was distressing. When I attempted to do something useful, that is, mail a package of things to my mom and brother, I was thwarted by the post office being closed for whatever holiday yesterday was. So I now have a bruise on my hip from carrying a large and heavy box around town. Oh well.
Today, incidentally, is Children's Day, making the real answer to the age old question, 'Why is there a mother's day and a father's day, but no children's day,' 'Because you aren't Japanese.'
Earlier I went with my host mother and her former host student (who is visiting since its vacation) to a buffet at the nearest department store, which was really good. I ate ice cream and pizza with fruit on it, among other things.

The Flea/Antiques market on Sunday was pretty exciting. I ended up buying a kimono, Obi, Haori, and another coat which is like a Haori but I think for women. Haori are short kimono coats for men- I bought one for my brother similar to this in style. I don't entirely understand why the patterned fabric is put on the inside, but that seems to be how it's done. The Obi is that large belt-like fabric worn around kimono, and the one I bought is bright green and reversible- the other side is black with some subdued flower and leaf patterns. The kimono is white and green with leaves, bamboo, and flower patterns. The other coat is black and dark olive green, with images of things that look kind of like Fu Dogs.
I will perhaps photograph all this when it isn't raining and the lighting is better.

Today I have been primarily considering my future, namely, what the heck am I going to do after I graduate. The options seem to be Graduate School, a Real Job, or running off to join a circus. I'm going with grad school at this point. Trying to figure out what schools are realistic/suitable options is proving difficult. For one thing, why must ALL academic institutions have THE most un-navigatable webpages ever created? I don't know. And then I'm not sure if I want to be looking at Art History with a focus in Asian/Japanese studies, or Asian Studies with a focus on Art of Japan or whatever. I also keep having this idea that maybe I should see what's involved in getting a masters in translation, because that seems to have more logical job potential, although I also feel like I wouldn't like studying that, and maybe I wouldn't like translating much at all. I also think I'd need to know more Japanese (or Chinese or any language) than I do now in order to apply for that kind of program. Besides, I'd rather study art.
I've found this internship (http://www.asia.si.edu/visitor/dcsrEastasian.htm) at the Freer and Sackler Museums in D.C., which I am weirdly excited over, but probably can't do until after (or during?) grad school. The reason it appeals to me (I think) is because of the East Asian Art Studio class I took . . . last year? Where the guy in charge of preservation and such of the Boston MFA's chinese paintings came in to show us how to back and mount our paintings- a process which is a serious pain, but for some reason I wish to attempt again. I must be crazy. Maybe, at some point, I will email them just to ask what you need to apply.

Rant

2009-05-02T05:12:02Z

I want to be really angsty right now. Everytime I start a REALLY agnsty entry, I delete it . . . probably for good reason . . . but ugh.
You don't have to read it if you don't want to, I just need to ramble D:<

Today started off farily well. I was in a generally better mood, and hoping to have a good day of sitting around talking to Riki, because my mood has been back and forth a lot recently. There's nothing immeadiate that causes me to be upset, mostly I have too much time to stare into space and think, which usually involves me thinking about things that upset me in the past. This causes me to be a bit irritable, and I take it out on him at times, although he claims I haven't been terrible. This is pretty unfair of me, since he's been perfectly nice to me recently, we haven't argued much, but I guess I take it out on him because I really don't have anyone else to take it out on.

Anyways, he signed on, and had to immeadiately start in about an argument he'd had with a friend last night, which was started, I presume, because of three pairs of overpriced shoes he had bought, which somehow led him to get into an argument about Nazis. Which meant that we then got into an argument about Nazis, although I'm not really sure that I was arguing, I was just sick of hearing about it. At least he wasn't talking about the shoes anymore.
In case you're wondering what there is to argue about Nazis, its related to philosophical aspects and how he's always been victimized as Japanese in an area of the world where the Japanese are viewed pretty much the same way as the west views Nazis. Or something along those lines.

Then my brother shows up and complains about our parents, who are stressing him out, and who are stressed out by him. Mostly the issue is them wanting him to get a summer job, and him just wanting to have a vacation, because his roommate situation was hell this year. And I guess our grandfather emailed him basically telling him that Art History is a useless career path, and trying to find him jobs that are actual jobs.
I would like to be around reasonably calm, laid back people again. Actually, I'm not really 'around' anyone I frequently talk to at all at this point, but that's beside the point. This time last year was really pretty ideal.

Sigh. So Riki took off because now he's upset, although I don't really know what I did, because I was trying to be on his side at one point, but now he's apparently deeply scarred and I don't even know what. Unfortunately, when he tells me how upset he is by something we're arguing about, I tend to be less than sympathetic, because I immeadiately think of all the screwed up things he's done, and that makes me feel like nothing I've ever done could possibly compare. This is mean and selfish, I know.

Tomorrow I am hopefully going to a flea market at Harajuku, where I hope to buy a kimono and anything else weird or sool that I find and can afford. Yay. I have also started reading The Picture of Dorian Gray again, hopefully I will finish it this time. I seem to have more patience for Oscar Wilde's excessively pretentious monologues, or whatever you want to call them, and it seems to be going better so far.

another meme

2009-04-29T05:06:07Z

Bored, annoyed that the Ikebana club's email doesn't work, and lonely.

1. How old will you be in five years?
25

2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
myself

3. How tall are you?
5'4

4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
Joining a club

5. What’s the last movie you saw?
The Big Lebowski

6. Who was the last person you called?
Riki

7. Who was the last person to call you?
Riki

8. What was the last text message you received?
If somebody didn't remove texting from our phone plane JUST as I found myself using it, maybe I could answer this question. Although my Japanese phone doesn't text either because of the weird plan/lack thereof.

9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail?
I never setup my voicemail . . .

10. Do you prefer to call or text?
If I could text, I'd prefer it

11. What were you doing at 12am last night?
Talking to Riki and my brother on AIM

12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?
Married.

13. When is the last time you saw your mom?
At Easter, on webcam. Before that, late March.

14. What color are your eyes?
green

15. What time did you wake up today?
I got up around 9

16. What are you wearing right now?
Jeans, black socks, purple shirt, Paris sweatshirt

17. What is your favorite Christmas song?
O Holy Night

18. Where is your favorite place to be?
the woods behind my house, my aunt's old house before she moved.

19. Where is your least favorite place to be?
at the moment, probably school

20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?
Maine.

21. Where do you think you’ll be in 10 years?
America . . . hopefully with a reasonable job

22. Do you tan or burn?
burn

23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
I was afraid of mummies, but in the back of my mind I always feared Nazi-like invasions.

24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh?
I think I was laughing at Riki last night, and the movie we were watching.

25. How many TVs do you have in your house?
One. And Its bigger than I approve of.

26. How big is your bed?
Technically its two beds stuck against eachother. Its pretty much the only way they fit in my room, and since my room is frequently lent out to guests, it needed more than a single bed.

27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?
Laptop.

28. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
with.

29. What color are your sheets?
at home, black, at HC bright green, here usually white.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
One here, at home I ended up with an ungodly amount.

31. What is your favorite season?
Spring or fall

32. What do you like about fall?
the air. It feels nice. And how everything starts looking dead.

33. What do you like about winter?
snow

34. What do you like about the summer?
going outside, warmth after winter, the beach which I never get to visit.

35. What do you like about spring?
Rain, the smell, the air.

36. How many states/provinces have you lived in?
one. Unless you count this year, then I guess two.

37. What cities/towns have you lived in?
North Reading, Wilmington, Worcester, Koganei

38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
I used to like being barefoot a lot. Recently I like looking at other people's fancy high heels, but I don't wear those much.

39. Are you a social person?
Not usually.

40. What was the last thing you ate?
dark chocolate

41. What is your favorite restaurant?
possibly Angelica's? Some Itallian place that is always full, catering a wedding, and has nice decor and appetizers.

42. What is your favorite ice cream?
chocolate or coffee

43. What is your favorite dessert?
chocolate cake.

44. What is your favorite kind of soup?
Udon is kind of a soup.

45. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?
Grape. NOT cranberry, as my father once attempted. That creation was also on pita bread. I think I may have fasted in protest.

46. Do you like Chinese food?
yes

47. Do you like coffee?
I like my sugar with coffee and cream

48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average?
less than one.

49. What do you drink in the morning?
black tea

50. What non-banking related card in your wallet is the most valuable to you?
my Suica- train pass

51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
I always sleep on the same bed at home (of the two stuck together) and there aren't many sides to pick form on a single bed.

52. Do you know how to play poker?
No.

53. Do you like to cuddle?
I eschew personal contact with few exceptions.

54. Have you ever been to Canada?
Yes.

55. Do you have an addictive personality?
Hardly

56. Do you eat out or at home more often?
Home

57. What do you miss about high school, if anything?
People, doing so much art.

58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?
No

59. Do you want kids?
not any time soon

60. Do you speak any other languages?
Some Japanese, I've forgotten most of Chinese and French, although I can read French reasonably ok still.

61. Have you ever gotten stitches?
yes

62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
no

63. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
pools, with few to no people, for swimming. Oceans for everything else.

64. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seat?
On planes, I have recently realized that aisles are WAY better.

65. Do you know how to drive stick?
No, and its usually called stick shift. You can't drive a stick.

66. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
Used to be CD's and posters, now probably clothes. I'd still buy CD's but I don't feel like defending my actions.

67. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7?
My highschool class ring, claddah(sp?) ring, usually at least the studs in my second ear piercings.

68. What is your favorite TV show?
One Foot in the Grave

69. Can you roll your tongue?
yes

70. Who is the funniest person you know?
My brother or Aunt Joyce

71. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
no, I have a sea turtle at home.

72. What is the main ring tone on your phone?
My US phone's is the opening theme to Cowboy Bebop

73. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
probably

74. What red object is closest to you right now?
Red feather earrings

75. Do you turn off the water while you brush your teeth?
I turn it on halfway through

76. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
closed

77. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
neither.

78. Do you flirt a lot?
I wouldn't have thought I was capable of flirting.

79. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
sweet and sour sauce

80. What is your favorite food?
Ice cream. I once used this as an answer for this question in a Japanese class, and my teacher laughed at me. What, Ice cream is a food . . .

81. Can you change the oil on a car?
I'll learn when I get a car

82. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?
No.

83. Have you ever run out of gas?
No.

84. What is your usual bedtime?
between 11 and 12 usually

85. What was the last book you read?
The Book of Tea

86. Do you read the newspaper?
No

87. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
No. I used to get archaeological digest, but no more.

89. Do you watch soap operas?
not if I can help it

90. Do you dance in the car?
sometimes I sing

91. What radio station did you last listen to?
maybe Mike FM

92. Who is in the picture frame closest to you?
a print that says 'Thomas McKnight-Golden Gate' at the bottom of it

93. What was the last note you scribbled on a piece of paper?
write email

94. What is your favorite candle scent?
I can't smell very well, so I'm not that particular

95. What is your favorite board game?
monopoly maybe. The one time I played Trivial pursuit was fun

97. When was the last time you attended church?
Tuesday

98. Who was your favorite teacher in high school?
Ms. Seminara

99. What is the longest you have ever camped out in a tent?
probably only one night, although I don't remember actually sleeping there.

100. Who was the last person to do something extra special for you?
Riki

The Shrimp Have Eyes

2009-04-25T01:49:09Z

I had always thought that in the occasion I was faced with some sort of intact, smiling-at-me seafood, I'd be too weirded out to actually eat it. Last night, I had these creatures called Ebi, which I always thought was just shrimp, but these are some MASSIVE shrimp. Maybe they are prawn or crawfish?
They looked somewhat like this:

Except mine were deep fried, sort of. They had eyes. And legs. And are about 5 inches long.
I found this really funny, for some reason. I also wasn't sure what to eat, so I ate the normal tail part, and since my host mother didn't say anything I assumed that was ok.
So weird. I mean I thought fish with eyes would be weird but this thing has LEGS.
Ok I'll stop now. ahahaha. >.>

Its raining today, which is fairly pleasant. At some point I have to email the Ikebana/flower arranging club and attempt to communicate in Japanese that I want to join it. I don't think they won't let me or anything, but I don't know the times or other information. Hopefully that will give me something to do, and serve as the basis for this random study abroad community based project I have to do. I really should have started doing something for it last semester, but I never got a reply from the professer in charge of it at HC, and then I got busy with normal life and forgot about it. I need to email him back too, bleh.
I will procrastinate now, because I hate writing emails.

meme meme meme

2009-04-18T08:44:50Z

Apparently Japan also has an ecconomic stimulus program.
And I get money out of it. Oh. Snap. Seeing as I had to pay them some kind of taxes before, this is nice. Even more so because the money I get is more than I paid. Thanks, Japan. Of course filling out the application form is slightly confusing, but I can ask my host mother for help on the parts I'm unsure about.

And now, a meme. Stolen from my brother.

1.ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
The only scar I have is from a pair of embroidery scissors, on my leg. I was playing on the couch one day in second grade, and landed on my mother's bag of embroidery materials. The scissors were apparently open, and poking through. I ended up getting stitches.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
At home, posters of various Japanese or Korean musicians, some art prints, some of my drawings and some drawings Riki made for me.

3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?
No. I've spoken while half-asleep, although I don't remember doing it usually. I yell/say nonsensical things at my brother when he walks through.

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
Japanese rock and random alternative stuff in English. Some Jazz and vintage stuff.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
I looked it up not long ago, but I forget.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
Right now? I don't really want anything right now. If Riki or my brother could teleport here and amuse me, I'd be happy. I wouldn't say no to chocolate cake either.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
Hmm. Random things. Riki. Sometimes my old art class, as random as that sounds.

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)?
I wonder. Something Riki gave me.

9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
5'4 I think.

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Hmm, I'll get really bothered and frustrated in crowded spaces sometimes.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
yes, sometimes.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Riki

13. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
being taken captive

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Dark.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING?
haha. That seems unlikely to happen. I used to have this . . . image? Idea? of a proposal on a large balcony at night, but I was mostly focused on designing the girl's dress.

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
I want to try an energy drink someday. I'll feel like I'm doing drugs. Coffee is ok with lots of sugar and cream.

17. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
pepperoni

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I'm not really hungry now. Something with chocolate

19. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?
Historically green. I'm also partial to red and black.

20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
Should I have?

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED?
First? I don't know. Possibly something from my Grandmother.

22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
I have a boyfriend, which is better. I hated having crushes. Its one of the more awful experiences ever.

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
no

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
hmm. Moi Meme Moitie I guess. Normally whatever I like and can afford.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
5 (what is the point of this question?)

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
brunettes . . . I guess

32. FAVORITE QUOTE?
Don't Panic

33. FAVORITE PLACE?
Someplace with lots of trees.

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA?
yes

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
I am invincible.

36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS?
no

37. FIRST JOB?
College cafeteria kitchens. God. Awful.

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
No. I've called and not said anything, but they knew it was me and what I wanted. haha.

39. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOULMATE?
Theoretically. Actually, that concept seems a little weird to me. Why would we all be paired off? Does this mean we are all split? Maybe this means I need to watch Hedwig and the Angry Inch again. But yeah I believe in soulmates in a non-California-Zen kind of way.

40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
Talking to my brother on AIM, then watching the Matrix with Riki, which I will resume when he returns.

41. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY?
Umm. I had my wisdom teeth removed.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
Maybe that weird carp/fish necklace I have. Or clothes, I don't get tons of compliments.

43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?
Yes.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A bottle of Kaluha and a quart of vanilla ice cream. And chocolate sauce.

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT AND THEIR NAMES?
Not more than three I suppose. If I had planned my potential childern's names by now, they would be stuck with names like Rioghnach and Tiernan. I'll figure that out when I've had enough pets to use the cool names on so they don't get beat up in school.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Not really. Elizabeth is for St. Elizabeth of Hungary, but really just because its a classic name my mom liked, Michelle because its French and some of my dad's family is French-Canadian.

47. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
being a sexist pig? Or a drunk HC jock.

48. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU LIKE(D) ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?
I liked the people mostly.

49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?
Umm. Whatever is in the bathroom. One kind is called Merrito? I haven't really read the labels.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Sure why not.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Bologna?

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
No . . .

53. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?
In the past I would have said yes, but certain life circumstances have led me to reasess this conclusion. I can be very envious of other people, I think there is a distinction.

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Yes. I would spend the first half of my life trying to kill me, and the second half alternately listening to all my problems, bored, and later having a hilariously amazing time.

55. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?
No. You aren't living in a book written by Sylvia Plath, sex should not be your cure-all for emotional problems.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
to an extent.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Slamming my laptop shut, in an attempt to cut off the source of what just angered me. Maybe I should start meditating or take up a martial art.

58.WOULD YOU RATHER GAIN 58 POUNDS OR LOSE 58 POUNDS.
If I lost 58 pounds I would be dead. If I gained 58 pounds I'd want to be dead. This whole societal body standard thing is lame.

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
Barbie dolls or my Playmobile toys. Those things are amazing.

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
In japan- I think 2. In my American phone . . . 10? I'm not sure. I used to have more but I deleted some not long ago. No one calls me and I only ever call about 4 or 5 people, and that's rare.

62.WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID?
yes.

63. Do you use sarcasm?
I breathe sarcasm.

64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?
Macaroni and cheese.

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
I didn't look much. I lie and wait for my prey.
Same things everyone else looks for I guess.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Liz, lizzard. With two z's. Yeah, I can't spell.

67. FAVORITE SUPER POWER?
I don't have one. Invisibility would be cool.

68. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?
One Foot in the Grave, The Iron Chef, Cowboy Bebop . . .

69.WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH YOUR ENEMIES?
I have no enemies. Yet. And if/when I do, I'd prefer not to deal with them. Oh, except I've always wanted to grab someone by the collar and slam them against a brick wall.

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Chocolate

71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES?
yes.

72. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM?
Yes.

73. PLANS FOR TONIGHT?
Sit at computer, instant message, watch matrix movies. Or fight.

74. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE WHEN YOU ARE OLDER?
Boston. Or anywhere that isn't the midwest or deep south.

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
If you're bored.

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
Buck-Tick: Dress

77. LAST THING YOU DRANK?
Water

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?.
Riki

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
face? I never really payed attention.

80. WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
draw maybe. Waste time online.

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE?
I don't hate many things, and I don't enjoy hating them either.

82. FAVORITE SEASON OF THE YEAR?
fall or spring

83. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF CANDY?
most kinds with chocolate. Maybe reese's peanut butter cups.

84. HAVE YOU EVER REALLY AND TRULY HAD A BEST FRIEND?
Not really. Not in the, 'girl I've been friends with forever who I tell all my secrets to' sense.

85. FAVORITE HAIR COLOR?
Black

86. EYE COLOR?
green (as in my favorite eye color, or my eye color? And if it means favorite, then does the next question imply favorite shoe size?)

87. SHOE SIZE?
8 or 8.5

88. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
I always used to like Burger King better, but I rarely eat fast food.

89. FAVORITE RESTAURANT?
Angelica's? I forget the name, its Itallian I guess and the food is good.

90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
yes

91. WATCH TV TODAY?
yes

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
I like most holidays

93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS?
I took guitar lessons for a bit, but I can't play anything really.

94. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT?
Anarchist

95. KISSES OR HUGS?
I'm not a touchy-feely person, just extremely tolerant. Either are ok from the right people, I guess.

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
relationships.

97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
lunch yesterday. Before that, some really cool stickers.

98. WOULD YOU EVER BE A HOUSEWIFE?
I guess I could do it, but its not something I want in any near future.

99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
The Professor and the Madman.