Incoherence

I can't wait for Christmas, I need a vacation. Blek.
This afternoon I'm going to the art museum to hopefully do some more work on my long senior paper/project thing, and then I have to work on my presentation for it. Which I have to present next monday, but then its thanksgiving, when I will go home and lie in bed for a week. While people feed me pumpkin pie. And maybe if I'm feeling adventurous I'll do some stuff for grad school. Maybe.

However, my only class today was cancelled, oh happy day. And the only work I really have to do this week is work on my project, so I guess things will be ok.

And I just discovered this: http://www.dancesofvice.com/DOVFIII/index.html, which if it would involve me dressing like any of the models in the ads, is what I've been waiting for since I became concious of the concept of a ball. And if this a yearly thing, I want to go. Someday, when I have a job again.

The weather has been unusually nice, especially considering that it snowed in October. Weird.

Written yesterday:
I'm cold, and my walls need posters.

That, and I wish I were in Japan. 

I moved in yesterday.  One of my roommates moved in a few hours ago, I'm not sure where the other one is yet.  She said she'd be here today . . .

Our room is really HUGE.  We have a walk in closet that could be used as a bedroom, and our own bathroom which is fairly decent.  I guess once all three of us are here it will be less huge, but still.  The view is nice too, as nice as a view of Worcester can be, at least. 

The reclusive feelings have been high, however.  I think I've just been away from the really preppy, 'nice, normal' brand of people for too long, and I've forgotten how to interact with them.  They terrify me.  My brother has been feeling the same, so we've been sitting around in my room being recluses together, which is admittedly more fun than being a recluse by yourself.  Now that my roommates are around (or will be soon), I think I'll be less likely to sit around feeling terrified of the people outside, and maybe actually see the people I was friends with when I last went here. 

It feels kind of like freshman year, all over again.  Well, ok, not quite that bad.  I just feel really out of it, and don't know who's on campus or who to call, because when the inner recluse takes over, these decisions become difficult, so I opt to wait until I either run into people, they call me, or I have a roommate, who will then call them. 
I am a ridiculous person. 

Anyways. 

 Today:
Things are better today.  My roommates are here, I put up some posters, and last night I saw pretty much everyone I usually saw on the weekends freshman and sophomore year, minus the upperclassmen who have obviously all left.  It is slightly weird without them- not that I was friends with any, but I've come to realize that I recognize very few people on campus anymore. 

Tomorrow classes start.  I bought my books yesterday.  Today I went with my roommates to Target, where I bought one of those plastic drawers on wheels.  For about $10.  Nice. 
Tomorrow also happens to be my birthday.  Yay, 21 . . . somehow I'm not really excited.  Somehow last year's birthday was really good.  This year I didn't ask for anything, although my parents are coming up for dinner and to bring up the stuff I forgot to bring when I moved in.  I might get a new phone because one of the buttons just fell off mine, and my dad had mentioned it before that happened anyway. 

I feel quite sleepy.  We have some kind of building/hall meeting at 8:30.  After that I should work on a comission that's been interrupted by moving back to school.  It seems like it's going pretty well though, I just don't want to forget about it so I'd better just finish it quickly.

I wonder how this year will be.  I need to find some grad schools or something to apply to before I forget. 

Today I have been cleaning my room, because it is a disgraceful mess, and all the dust is slowly killing me.  I've already vacuumed once, and will probably have to do it a few more times.  Yuck.  As was expected, my brother had been using it to store things, but I'm somewhat appalled that my mom let guests sleep in here without doing anything to it . . .  really, its that bad.

I arrived on Tuesday at about 7 p.m.  I left Malaysia on Monday night around 11:30 p.m.  A 7 hour flight plus 10 hour layover plus 11 hour flight plus two hour flight makes for an unbelievably painful trip.  For some reason my legs started hurting after the first flight, in the bones they way they do when you have a cold or the flu or something.  My layover was in Tokyo, so I wandered the airport for a while, bought some food to mail to Riki's mom, and bought myself a pretty nice belt which unfourtunately is too big for it to be useful.  I think I can alter though.  Possibly.  If I can buy the appropriate supplies.  Then I sat on the floor by an outlet and played Planescape:Torment for a while, until I accidentally lost my game and was too annoyed to do it over again.  Its made by the same company that made Baulder's Gate/BG II, Icewind, Fallout, and some others that I'm forgetting about.  I played Baulder's Gate II a lot . . . around 8th grade and highschool I believe.  I liked that one a lot.  I never played the first Baulder's Gate, but I liked Icewind.  Planescape is not as good as BG II, but it was made earlier and has enough detail to make it interesting. 

From Tokyo I flew to Chicago, where those jerks made us all get our luggage and go through customs.  Finding my luggage proved difficult; I was on the brink of tears, convinced that my suitcases had been lost in Japan, when I finally found them.  I then rushed through customs and gave the bags back so they could be checked the rest of the way, and proceeded to find my connecting flight, on the other side of the airport, through security.  I managed to not miss that flight.  Amazingly enough.  I really dislike this system of customs, but I guess it's the only way to do it. 

Being home is weird.  I've been away for a long time.  No one is around because my dad and brother are working, and my mom is on a silent retreat.  Today is the last day of my brother's work, at least, so from tomorrow I'll have someone to entertain me. 

I made the mistake of not calling Riki in Japan, or right away once I got home, so of course I had a lot of annoyed emails once I finally went to check.  He had called my phone a few times, but the battery died so I didn't see that he had called.  You'd think I'd learn from past mistakes, but apparently this whole concept of people being worried about me just doesn't register.  Sigh.  So then I tried calling him but couldn't get through, so after a while I gave up and lay in bed waiting for him to call, which he eventually did.  He has since annoyed me by basically saying that I purposefully ignored his calls and had lied about calling him because he didn't get any missed calls.  -_-  He's alright now anyways. 

My grandmother was also spazzing, because my mom never emailed her to tell her I had come home safely, which she usually does, so my grandfather called and I talked to her for a while yesterday.  Am I the only person who assumes everything is fine until told otherwise?  I don't know, I really should have called them right away, I just forgot.  They worry a lot about travelling. 

Sigh.  I'm really terrible at dealing with other people's emotions.  Heck, I'm terrible at dealing with my own emotions.  No wonder. 

I think I'll take a nap.  I slept most of the day yesterday, and woke up this morning around 5.   Hooray for jet-lag.  Yes, sleep sounds quite good right about now. 

I must be really bored if I'm posting two days in a row.   My other alternative is to read through my list of blogs, none of which have updates, I'm sure, and anyways I'm bored with them at the moment.  I have ended up with a collection of fashion blogs, of all ungodly things, which I think I was drawn to by the nice pictures.  But now I've had enough.  I only really like blogs if I can read back through a few pages and so waste a reasonable amount of time. 

Right now I am waiting for the post office to come and pick up my huge box of books and clothes which will then be mailed by ship to my place of dwelling.  After that I am going out with my host mother and possibly her friend, possibly to eat lunch.  I also need to buy batteries and mail a letter, which I think I can do at Narita tomorrow anyways.  I'd rather do it today though.

Yesterday I started considering finding a way to make prints of some of my artwork, or possibly start making stationery of some kind and opening a shop on etsy.  I distracted myself for a good long time with this pretend business venture, which may or may not happen, but I think I'll look into it.  Because I'm poor, and somehow I convinced myself that it would work.  If I'm organized, and don't slack, and figure out how to advertise. 

I also came to the conclusion that I should go back to drawing elves, and Celtic knotwork, and the fantasy-esque stuff I was doing before, because I'm stuck at the moment, and back then I had way more motivation to draw.   And I'm getting tired of drawing portraits . . . it's felt like a dead end for a while now, and now that I know that I can copy photos pretty well, I need to find something more creative.  So, this year, I'm just going to be a recluse and draw pictures.  At least I'll try. 



 

Finals done!  2 days to go.  I fly away to Malaysia on Tuesday.
I went to Harajuku today to get some last things.  I got t-shirts for my family, two volumes of the manga xxxholic and a copy of Gothic Lolita Bible, because I have some kind of perverse desire to sew things in Japanese.  Manga is so much cheaper in Japan.  Of course, it's all in Japanese, but I need stuff to practice with once I go home. 

I'll miss Japan.  x_x  I'll miss harajuku.  And lots of stuff here. 

I should go out tomorrow, but I'm not sure where.  Maybe I'll just walk around and see if the nearby temple is open.  I think it won't be, because it's sunday, and I think I've never seen the gate open on sundays.  Hmm. 

I'm pretty much done packing, except for clothing that needs to be washed.  And possibly some things my host mother said she wanted to give me- some teacups and some candy to bring to my family/Riki and his mom. 

I got distracted from writing this, and now I forget what I was going to say next. 
It feels weird to think that I'm leaving a lot of places that I'll probably never see again- although I do intend to come back, and hopefully not after too long.  I've left plenty of places behind, never to return, I guess I never thought about it before.  Hmm. 

I'm starting to get antsy, I'd better go find something constructive to do.

Almost a week until I leave.  I started packing already, since I have a box I want to mail home instead of packing it all.  I kind of just want to get it over with.  I've mostly finished an essay that's due tomorrow, but haven't done much studying for exams.  I just want to go home and lie around and not worry about inconveniencing anyone.  I'm sort of excited about Malaysia, but I'm still too focused on finishing exams to really have thought about all that.  I'm also worried about next year, which I've been worried about for most of this year, because I really don't want to deal with Riki freaking out over little things and being jealous, which I know he will, and which he has been doing the entire year, even when there are no imeadiate threats.  In fact, from my viewpoint, there are no threats at all.  Sigh.  I really shouldn't worry about stuff so far in advance . . . all I really want right now is vacation. 

I really want to sew or work on art or do something that doesn't invlove the computer.  Unfourtuantely, not having anyone to go anywhere with makes me feel disinclined to go and do anything.  And when I do go home, no one will be around.  Oh, wait, my mom isn't working.  At least I'll have one human to talk to.  That and I should meet up with some people. 

I have to go to the town hall and deal with logistical stuff before I go, including paying some kind of taxes again, which I don;t understand . . . but whatever, it's not as bad as last time anyways.  I was going to do that today but I think I'll do it wednesday instead. 

Man, I'm so bored.  I shouldn't just update when I'm bored because I have nothing interesting to say.  Well, maybe I never have anything interesting to say. 

And now iTunes refuses to open.  Well fine, be that way.  I'll use Media player.  Gaaaaah. 
Ok, enough of this madness. 

Today, I am supposed to be studying.  My first final is tomorrow, the rest are next week.

As I wrote that, I realized how little time I have left to get stuff done here, and I'm starting to panic slightly.  I'll just go back to ignoring that revelation and pretend everything will be ok.  Because it will.  

This weekend I discovered some ridiculous hats online.  Ridiculous as in, pretending to be victorian, and now I want to make one, and wear it . . . someplace.  I could definitely buy a straw hat, fabric, and assorted flowers, ribbons, and feathers, and make something truly disasterous. 
Considering that I found quite a few sites selling these ridiculous hats, I'm kind of wondering who wears them.  It's terribly sad that no one wears hats anymore. 

http://roses-and-teacups.com/victorian-red-hat-accessories.php

http://www.ladydianehats.com/index.html

Since they both have 'kentucky derby' sections, I'll assume that some crazy horse-race loving southern women wear them.   Bizarre.   That and Victorian enthusiasts.  Maybe my grandmother will lend me some of her old hats from the 50's/60's.  Or her feathery Octoberfest ones.  Hmmmmmmm.   Then I can sit in my backyard, drinking tea by myself, wearing a thoroughly ridiculous hat.  (Actually, I do have some hats at home.  One of them has feathers.  Maybe . . . I will wear it more often.  Tee hee.)

Ok now I've become completely distracted.  I should go study for a while.  Bleh.

( book meme )

On Thursday night, the bug returned.  I was sitting at my computer, doing what I always do, when suddenly the EVIL VERMIN crawled up from behind my bed and ran across my blanket.  Then it stopped and contemplated life while I leapt up and started making weird noises of disgust.  I trapped it beneath a clear plastic box I had and proceeded to freak out more. 
I'm usually not such a wimp.  Mice are ok.  I sneered at the girls on my hall at HC who would flip out everytime they found one.  (If it's living in my food, that's a different story.)  I don't like spiders, but who does?  I like land snails.  I like frogs.  I don't like ugly evil cockroaches.   
I finally ripped the cardboard back off a sketchbook and used it to get the bug off my bed and fling it outside.   Good riddance. 

Yesterday I found out that one of my highschool teachers died.  I don't know how yet, my mom just got a call from the vice principal saying that he had died (my mom works at my highschool).  I felt really weird about it yesterday.  He wasn't all that old, I guess fifties?  When I had him for history sophomore year he had a headlong collision with a car while he was riding his bicycle, and that didn't kill him. 
I don't know.  I had a conversation with Riki the other day about another teacher, my old art teacher, because he had left a comment on one of my old paintings on facebook, and I'd said that my brother and I should come visit at some point.  Riki was peeved about this because he is suffering under the delusion that if I talk to a guy it somehow lessens his importance.  They should figure out a way of medicating jealousy.  But that aside, he also has this attitude of . . . like oh, this person isn't directly in my life anymore, so I just don't care, and why should I bother to keep contact with them?  And whenever I show an inclination to keep some liminal (I may be misusing that word) contact with people like that, it annoys him.  And that really annoys me.  I'm not interested in closing out opportunities.  You never know what could happen in the future, who you could meet again, where you might end up.  And moreover, if you want to cut people off for no good reason except that they don't serve you any current purpose, fine, but don't expect me to be like that. 
It wasn't an argument anyways.  But then I started wondering if I should be like that, like oh why bother.  It seems depressing to me.  If people don't want to keep in contact with me, most people who I never knew all that well, sure ok.  I guess I don't care all that much. 
I've felt a little glum the past two days,  Not awful, just kind of . . . I don't know a little off. 
Bleh.

I have to work on a Japanese project this weekend, I'm supposed to make a powerpoint for our presentation.  I guess I'll start on that.

Greetings and salutations. I was going to write a post last week sometime but that didn't really happen. Obviously.

Last wednesday I went to Harajuku and bought one of those skirts from Laforet- Atelier Pierrot. It was clearly fated to be, since as I was looking through the shop they were playing Buck-Tick's new CD, which was clearly a sign from God that I should spend excessive amounts of money. Clearly.
Behold:
( Pics )Wheeeeee!  When I tried it on the store clerk girl gave me a petticoat/thing to try it on with, which makes it absurdly poufy . . . I could easily make one once I go home and buy some tulle and elastic, but wearing it without makes it a little less crazy anyways.  That shopping experience was probably the only one in which I wasn't annoyed  by a store clerk who kept talking to me.  Maybe I was just in a good mood, or maybe Japanese store clerks just seem more polite and less annoying.  Or maybe it was because she was dressed in pretty intense lolita, which always makes me happy.  Incidentally, today on the train on the way to school I stood next to a REALLY pink lolita-dressed girl.  Which was epic.  I've never seen so much pink in my life.  Actually I saw another girl wearing lolita get on the train too, but she was more subdued.  Kind of odd chance, I don't see too many. 

Also, it was sunny today.  After a month of rain.  I like rain, but that was getting old.  Really old. 

Last week I also got into a several day argument with Riki, for reasons that were mostly my fault.  Just when I was at the breaking point, in a kind of weird pathetic fallacy, a giant, black, cockroach-looking bug crawled up my wall and underneath a picture.  At that point I gave up and cried.  I do not want to live with a giant evil bug.  I spent about two days after convinced that it was still living under the picture frame, which kept me from sleeping on both nights (I was afraid it would walk on me).  When I finally took it off the wall, prepared to flick it outside, I discovered that it wasn't there, and that what I had thought was its rear end sticking out the bottom was just part of the backing.  So no close encounters, but now it could be ANYWHERE. Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

Whatever.  I can sleep now, oddly.  We finished our argument, all is right with the world.  Riki also had the measles, somehow, last week.  He had them as a child so that was kind of bizarre.  I mean what's the point of having those kinds of diseases in the first place if you can still catch them again later? 
I'm also starting to get excited about going to Malaysia.  Even if I have no idea what I will do with his mom while he's at work during the week, it will be nice to see Riki in real life again, and to see new places.  Even if they are really hot, and I'm sick of airplanes. 

I feel sleepy now.  I had finished off a bottle of iced coffee and now I'm crashing.  Tomorrow I have to go out and do some errands in the general vincinity. 
Oh, and today is Tanabata.  Which is a holiday that no one really celebrates anymore, but I think you are supposed to write wishes on pieces of paper and tie them to bamboo.  Or just make a wish.  7/7 seems like an auspicious day anyways.

iTunes is apparently reading my mind, and has been playing techno-ish music.  How nice of you iTunes.  It almost makes up for all the times you freeze or only play songs I don't want to hear.  Well, maybe that's my fault for not making better playlists. 
Music makes me feel happier.  I was feeling kind of depressed, because Riki is depressed/mad about work.  Which is kind of normal and I'm kind of getting tired of it.  Well he was happy yesterday but somehow I screwed it up by being moody and not realizing it.  That was my fault, but I'm still not sure what set me off. 
But its Friday and Friday is good.

For reasons unclear to me, I took out a book from the library about the wife of Nathaniel Hawthorne.  It's somewhat interesting, except I think historians go into too much detail.  I don't really care about the scandals of her parents and grandparents. 

I wonder if I can find macarons someplace around here.  I know where some pastry shops are, but I'd feel awkward walking in and checking to see if they have them, and then leaving if they don't.  I've never had one, and I've heard that they aren't as good as they look, but I have pretty low standards as it is.  Obviously I could attempt to order them, but that would be silly.  Which reminds me that I have to order tea for Riki's mom, in Japanese, only acceptable payment is C.O.D.  Have I complained about this before?  Bleh.  I need to do that tomorrow.  Or tonight.

Sigh it's hot.  I've also completely forgotten the appropriate use of its vs. it's, so my apologies to anyone who does remember and thinks I'm dumb.  I am.

Speaking of English, Michael Jackson died.  (There's a connection, really.)  I wonder what Mr. Murray, my crazy high school English teacher, has to say about this.  Probably, 'good riddance.'   Mr. Murray amused me as much as he annoyed everyone else, probably because I didn't have strong opinions on stuff he ranted about yet, and also because I didn't take him seriously.   Except when he wanted to pretend deforestation didn't exist because there were still trees outside.  That was just silly.  Of course, I probably find him more amusing in hindsight, now that I don't have to sit through classes during which I know I will be purposefully asked questions because he knows I don't know the answer.  Then again, I couldn't have ever been especially intimidated by him, because that's the only class in which I've put a completely ridiculous answer to a test question I didn't know. 

The only other person MJ reminds me of is my highschool art teacher, who for some reason was going on about his nose falling off one day.  ("Seriously, his nose fell off.  Some dude in Paris was like, 'uh hey, you dropped something there.'") 
There was a long segment on T.V. about him, which I watched during dinner.  My host mother kept asking why he became white.  I told her I didn't know, because I don't.  He really looked pretty awful recently.  It was nice that they showed clips of his old music videos and stuff, because all I ever knew about him was that he'd lost his mind, his nose, and that there's this statue of him.  I forget the name of the artist, but I think it's not Jackson Pollock, which is the only bad modern-ish artist who's name I can think of at the moment.   I once had to go to the archives in my college library and study these pretty impressive musuem copies of Jackson Pollock's sketchbooks for the intro art class I took.  Some of his sketches were ok.  I'm just not into modern art as a rule.  I tried.  I decided I really don't care.  If it amuses me I'll give it a shot.  Like Dadaism, which is from the '40's I think, and which I hated at first, but which I have since come to find amusing, even though I still know virtually nothing about it.  I think the point of it was creating non-art, as some kind of social or art critique.  At any rate, Monty Python reminds me of it. 

I spent the week not eating lunch, except for when I remembered that I had a few remaining German gingerbread based things left over from my grandmother from Christmas, which were not stale, oddly enough.  This transpired because I had no cash, because- well its a long story, but I finally got some money from the atm, and then bought notebooks and assorted stationery in order to break the huge bill I was stuck with.  For lunch I had green tea ice cream and milk tea, which made me feel slightly ill.

Ok now that my computer has decided to freeze on me (which it keeps doing) I'm leaving. 

It's warm.  I have allergies.  I'm sleepy.

Midterms are, however, over.  Including the 9 page essay.  This is a relief.   I also don't know what to do with myself because I suddenly lack work. 

I am contemplating going back to Laforet Dept. store in Harajuku and buying an expensive, frilly skirt.  Something somewhat like this, which is more of a half dress half skirt, or this, which is more high waisted skirt-like.  Because in the two times I've gone to this particular store, they have them, and I want.  But $100-200 is kind of expensive.  Sigh.  Oh well.  I always feel bad spending money, even on things not as frivolous as fancy skirts. 
I will think about it.  I wish my brother didnt keep asking me to buy him stuff, because I have already, but I guess I will look some more.  -_- 

Part of me has started to realize how much I'll miss Japan when I leave.  Part of me also still wants to go home, although I have a feeling that home will be stressful.  My brother got suckered into applying for a paid internship/job at my dad's work, because they were looking for college students, so because my parents demanded that he apply, he did.  He also got the job, in spite of it being engineering/computer related, when his major is Art History and really confused some of his interviewers.  He naturally hates said job, and complains about it frequently.  Working in the same place as our dad is awkward, and not something I'd want to do either.  My mom has been in the Galapagos this past week or so, but before that she was stressed, and therefore stressed out my brother, who then complains to me.  She will probably be stressed again when she comes back, because she is always stressed.  So not being at home is pretty ok in some respects. 

Somebody is playing a flute nearby, and I think its playing an Edith Piaf song.  Random.  I've heard it before, but it never occured to me that someone was playing it.  There are so many musical vehicles around here that I just sort of ignore external noises.  I still don't get why they play Imagine every day at 5:00. 

Its so warm today.  Near 30 celcius, whatever that is in farenheight.  Maybe near 80?  The breeze is nice however.

I am currently attempting to devise a topic for a term paper, which really means that I've been alternately staring at a lot of articles on Buddhist sculpture and watching every Suede music video on youtube.  And sometimes drawing. 
I'm just not getting any inspiration here.  I feel like anything I write about will just be reiterating the articles we have to use for it.  Gah. 

We had no classes friday due to some inter college sports thing Sophia had, so I went to Harajuku and wandered around.  I went to the main shrine there (Meiji), which is surrounded by a lot of large, lovely trees.  As I was wandering, a wedding procession wandered through, which was pretty cool.  Its a pretty popular shrine for weddings but I didn't really expect there to be one on a friday.  There were also a ton of Japanese students, for what reason I don't know. 
I wandered stores for a while, technically looking for something for my brother, but I didn't find anything.  Most of the stores are girl's clothing, and I feel awkward wandering through the guy's stuff.  Also, in some stores, its kind of hard to tell the difference. 
I did buy some weird fake nails and a paper lantern with bamboo designs on it at the 100 yen store though.  Japan has the coolest fake nails on earth, along with the most impractical.  If I thought I could manage it, lingustically and practically, I'd get some crazy ones done at a nail salon, but that's unlikely to happen.  I'll use the ones I bought for graduation or something.
I then came to the realization that Harajuku is probably the only place on earth where I can walk into one store and hear listen to Japanese rock/Visual Kei, and walk into one a few steps away and hear Belle & Sebastian.  Oh Happy Day. 

Sigh it's hot today.  I suceeded in buying the appropriate tickets, so come August I will being going to Malaysia for about two weeks, and flying back to Boston via a 9hr layover in Narita airport.  Oh joy.  I'd better find some books to read.  Maybe I'll buy a magazine here before I go and attempt to translate it.

Ok back to the paper.  Or listening to this for the thousandth time.

My power adapter for my laptop has been acting up, i.e. faking its death on an alarmingly regular basis.  This, coupled with my battery lasting a max of twenty minutes, means that my computer either gives me a two second warning, or just shuts off, as it did earlier.  This made for major stress yesterday, when I had an essay for a midterm to write.  Fourtnately it decided to behave, but since then my only cure has been to whack it on the bed and give it nasty looks when the little green light goes out.  What's worse is that this appears to work. 
So now I'm looking for adapters on ebay, and thinking that if I order the one from Hong Kong it will get here sooner. 

This weekend I also need to buy plane tickets.  I'd kind of like to have some kind of organized communication with my parents and Riki regarding going to Malaysia- well, Riki is ok, I'd just like to know what my parents want/care regarding how long I stay.  Riki will say, staythewholemonthomg, whereas I wonder if my mom might want me back at some point.  Then again, maybe not.  Sometimes I feel a bit forgotten, on the other side of the world here.  Maybe that's normal.  For us anyways, the family of low emotional maintenence.   Realistically, I can't spend all of August there, since I have to go to school, which may not start until September 1st or 2nd, but I have to move in.  Besides, I wonder what I would do during the weekdays, when Riki has work.  I feel kind of worried about his mom, just because I feel like it will be awkward . . . she seems ok about me, but I dunno, I'm paranoid. 

On a side note, I miss living in a place where I can blast music and sing along obnoxiously.  Alas Alack. 

Oh right.  Where was I.  I had the other part of my midterm (the essay one) which was for my anthropology class, and turned out to be easy, I think.  I have a Japanese midterm next week and a research paper due the next week, which I really need to get started on.   Japanese has been annoying me recently.  I have no patience for it at all . . . we have some kind of group project which my group seems to have forgotten about, although we have time so its ok I guess.  Ugh.  The teachers aren't very good . . . one in particular.  She's nice, but the way the class is run we focus on stupid things we've already learnt and barely look at new grammar, which is of course on the test, which I attempt to just fake my way through which seems to be less than effective. 

Sigh.  I just want to be on vacation guys.  Like everyone else -_- 

Stolen from my brother. This may be several memes connected. There were more questions but I stopped.


( meme )

Well, Riki got kidnapped by his work, for some dinner-meeting-Godknowswhat, and since I've done everything else I can think of, including putting clothing and laundry away and clearing up my desk, I've decided I feel like writing an entry again. 
I could start the readings I have to do so that I can write a term paper over the next few weeks, but clearly that isn't happening.  I really and truly intend to start tomorrow.  Really. 
My latest great internet-search-in-order-to-waste-time project, and potential future Hobby That I Cannot Afford has been these magnificent creatures: Ball Jointed Dolls 
I will now ramble aimlessly about them.  Read only if you are bored, or, for some reason, care. 

They are ridiculously expensive but probably worth it, from an artistic point of view.  By ridiculously expensive I mean a naked, hairless, make-up-less doll can be about $450, with limited edition/rare, complety designed dolls going up to $1000.  The glory, or what seems to make it worth the price, is the detail, hand-made factor, and that you can basically make them into whatever you want.  Which, for someone who had such an obsessive love of dolls as a child (*cough*me*cough*), is pretty epic, in no uncertain terms. 
This train of thought, incindentally, led me to consider selling some of my American Girl Dolls, considering I have, well, a lot.  Somehow around the age of eight I got it into my head that I wanted to collect them . . . thinking back on it, that was kind of excessive.  (on a side note- I checked the website while considering this, and wtf, they added some 70's chick and got rid of the Victorian girl.  I am outraged.)  I still may sell some, but I feel like I'd only be doing so to encourage this very bad idea of a new hobby, which, considering the loans and stuff I'll have for the rest of my life, might not be such a good idea at this present time.  This doesn't stop me from staring at other people's photos online, however.

Blogs, etc. with nice photos:
http://seioubocamemo.seesaa.net/  (In japanese, but if you click on the link under each photo it shows more of that doll/set)
http://byouyuuken.web.fc2.com/
http://www.doll-zone.com/showcatalogue.asp?ps=34
http://www.flickr.com/photos/pandapplecute/3133691001/
http://mercyasakurasdreaming.blogspot.com/

Ok, that's enough of that.  For now.  >.> 
I'm tired . . . Riki must have been eaten by aliens to not be back yet.  Gah . . . . I'm so glad its Friday. 

I am so tired, and I'm not really sure why.

Yesterday I went to Ikebana club, although I forgot my camera so I don't have any photos yet.  Next week I will.  We arranged Sunflowers, Eucalyptus, and some kind of palm/fern plant.  There were only about 10 of us, although I think the girl in charge said there were more who are technically in the club, but usually its only about 10 people.  Three of us were new, one other girl is also an exchange student.  The class is pretty much all in Japanese, but I can follow fairly well, and the girl who is the head of the club speaks English so if I'm really lost I can ask her.  Overall, it seems like it will be fun. 
What I had not counted on, was bringing the flowers home.  I had wondered what would happen to them, since throwing them out seems a bit wasteful, but I kind of assumed we'd leave them at school.  Not so.  So I carried them on the train all the way back, wondering what to do with them.   I have since stuck the sunflowers in a fanta bottle with water, the others i will just have to cut up and dispose of quietly.  Right now they are still wrapped in newspaper, hiding in my closet.  The sunflowers look happy at least. 

I still have a lingering cough, but otherwise I feel better again.  I wish today had been Friday instead of Thursday,  I don't like having to wake up early and go to school.  Bleh. 

Yesterday I was supposed to go to my first Ikebana club meeting, but unfortunately, it was not to be.   I was on the train about two stops after my home station when I started getting dizzy and losing vision.  I got out at the next stop and promptly lost all vision, and collapsed on the ground.  Apparently collapsing means I lose use of legs and arms as well as sight, because all I remember about that was the side of my face scraping the asphalt.  Nice.  A train station employee asked if I was ok, and whatever I said in Japanese was clearly wrong, because there wasn't much communication happening, but he led me to a bench and left me there.  After a bit I bought some water and went back home.  My face looks ok, but I have some bruises on my knees.  Otherwise I feel alright again. 

I'm really starting to worry that this is part of some kind of more serious underlying problem, because there wasn't much that would have triggered it this time.  I have had a sore throat for the past few days, and probably a slight fever yesterday, but I wasn't over dressed or in a crowded, hot place.  Nor had I lost blood or not eaten anything recently.  Ugh.  It's really kind of scary to lose control like that, especially when you haven't got anyone you know anywhere nearby.   hopefully my mom will call my doctor and bug him like I asked, but there's not much he can do from this distance anyways- or, given how useful doctors have proven in the past, from any distance. 

I'm going to eat some more cough drops and maybe do homework.

I am thinking that, in spite of myself, when I return to the US of A, I might actually hunt down some Anne Rice books, and read them.  I refused to read any previously because I was convinced that they were Fantasy genre trashy romance novels, with vampires.  I also kind of have Anne Rice categorized in my head somewhere with the Mists of Avalon, which I WANTED to like so badly, but inevitably, detested.  I have no idea why I associate the two. 
This stream of thoughts was prompted by watching Interview with the Vampire last night, which amused me enough that I could almost overlook the fact that Brad Pitt was in it.  Almost.  And vampires really do amuse me, particularly if they are antique and well dressed. 

Having said this, under no circumstances will I read Twilight.  I refuse.  And I mean it this time.  I will not watch the movie unless it is inflicted upon me, even if it has that obscure brand of piano that my brother loves because Yoshiki has one, in it. 

Until then, I'm going to continue reading the rest of Oscar Wilde's writings, because the library has a whole set, and it took me months to find it. 

Last night I watched this pretty weird/creepy moved called 'The Machinist,' made even creepier by the fact that I accidentally watched about a thrid of it in slight slow-mo.  This was only fixed when we realized that Riki and I were watching out of sequence, and that he was about 10 minutes ahead of me.  The only thing that seemed weird to me were the voices, the movement seemed ok so I thought they were just being artsy.  And when I asked if the voices stayed weird the whole movie, Riki just said that that's how Christian Bale's voice was . . .
I'm glad that, for one of those weird psychological movies, it did actually make sense by the end, which is nice.  I can't stand when you sit through two hours and all you get is more confused.  Although I did like Memento a lot, and that one doesn't have a really definite resolution. 
I am slightly sad that everyone is out of school now, or will be in a few days.  Its not as bad as I thought, maybe because I am in Japan, and I like it here, and because I've had virtually no contact from anyone from school . . .
I do wish I had a bit more live social interaction.  The Ikebana club SHOULD reply by next wednesday, but I'm really getting annoyed that its so hard to get in contact.  I need to email the study abroad prof too, but I don't want to until I've joined and can say, ok I'm doing this for that project, now what is the actual assignment and when is it due?  Sigh.

Yesterday in my Anthropolgy class we watched a film called 'Paris is Burning,' which was about transvestite, gay, transgendered, etc. mostly black men (etc.) in 1980's New York City.  It was really interesting . . . anthropology classes are the only classes, except maybe gender studies, where you can get away with watching that sort of thing.  Mostly the film focused on identity and fashion, and sort of ideals and creating fanatsy worlds . . . sort of the idea of not being able to fit into real society, or attain wealth, status, and such, so creating places where one can pretend. 
And getting to watch movies instead of taking notes is always welcomed.